How Physical and Sexual Abusers Exercise POWER & CONTROL Over Their Victims
Those who have never suffered from abuse have difficulty understanding why victims stay in abusive relationships/situations. If you’ve never experienced it, you can’t possibly know what victims go through. So often people will ask questions like, “why didn’t she leave him?” If only it could be so easy.
Since it is my goal to bring about a greater awareness of the huge problem of domestic violence and intimate partner abuse, I’d like to share with you some information about how perpetrators exercise power and control over their victims. Hopefully this will finally answer the questions “why doesn’t she get out?”
USING INTIMIDATION:
- Making her afraid by using looks actions, gestures, smashing things
- Destroying her property
- Abusing pets
- Displaying weapons
USING COERCION & THREATS:
Control Wheel
- Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt her
- Threatening to leave her, to commit suicide, to report her to welfare
- Making her drop charges
- Making her do illegal things
USING EMOTIONAL ABUSE:
- Putting her down
- Making her feel bad about herself
- Calling her names
- Making her think she’s crazy
- Playing mind games
- Humiliating her
- Making her feel guilty
USING ISOLATION:
- Controlling what she does, who she sees and talks to, what she reads
- Limiting her outside involvement and where she goes
- Using jealousy to justify actions
MINIMIZING DENYING & BLAMING:
- Making light of the abuse and not taking her concerns about it seriously
- Saying the abuse didn’t happen
- Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior, saying she caused it
USING CHILDREN:
- Making her feel guilty about the children
- Using the children to relay messages
- Using visitation to harass her
- Threatening to take children away
USING MALE PRIVILEGE:
- Treating her like a servant
- Making all the big decisions
- Acting like the “master of the castle”
- Being the one to define men’s and women’s roles
USING ECONOMIC ABUSE:
- Preventing her from getting or keeping a job
- Making her ask for money
- Giving her an allowance
- Taking her money
- Not letting her know about or have access to family income
Many victims of domestic violence and intimate partner abuse were also abused as children. Violence to them is “normal”, abuse is all they know. How do you get out of something you don’t even know you’re in?
Please take just a few minutes to Want to Walk a Mile in Her Shoes ….. this beautiful poem tells the compelling story of a typical day in the life of a victim of domestic violence. Hopefully, it will answer the question so many ask … “why didn’t she just leave him”?
If you or someone you care about is suffering from the abuse, please check out my RESOURCES page. You will find countless organizations that are here to help!
If You Need Immediate Emergency Assistance: Dial 9-1-1 or The 24-Hour National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) www.thehotline.org
Post by: Casey Morley – “I have emerged from a life filled with abuse and chronicle my journey in my book, Crawling Out, due to be published soon. I hope by sharing my story I can help other victims of domestic violence realize that they too, can start their own journey of crawling out – and that they don’t have to walk alone. I am also the owner of Casey’s Image Consultants, and a Certified M’lis Wellness Consultant offering Lifestyle Change Programs for detoxifying the body. I am dedicated to helping people improve their appearance and overall health from the inside out.”
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